That's me with 13 Certified World Class Speaking Coaches early this year in Vegas

My mother was an English teacher. My wife is an English teacher. Therefore, I can’t help but to believe that it’s important to use correct grammar most of the time when we speak. I say “most of the time” because there are times when I sacrifice correct grammar for something that is more important in speaking. What is that? Rhythm.

That’s right. To me, rhythm trumps grammar much of the time. The following are three sacrifices I suggest you make in order to take your speaking way past where most people will ever go.

  Sacrifice # 1: Sacrifice grammar for rhythm  

Listen to the following line in one of my speeches:

Download audio file (Sacrifice1.mp3)

What’s wrong with that line? Well, I said, “When we make excuses for someone, we invite them never to change.” That’s grammatically incorrect. Instead, I should have said the following:

“When we make excuses for someone, we invite him or her never to change.” This is because I am speaking about one person (i.e. someone).

However, if I say it correctly, can you see how it messes up my rhythm? That’s why I choose to use “them” instead of saying the phrase “him or her.” Grammatically it is wrong; rhythm-wise it is right.

Sacrifice #2: Sacrifice your grammar for your characters

The other time I sacrifice grammar in speaking is when I use character dialogue. All of our characters don’t speak with correct grammar. Remember, in speaking, you should say it how you heard it. For example, if one of your characters says, “He ain’t no good for you” then say it how he said it. Changing it to “He isn’t any good for you” changes the truth of that character and tears away the story’s integrity.  Keep your characters true to who they are.

If a character in your story used slang, then use slang. If the character spoke broken English, then speak broken English. If your character never finished sentences, then don’t finish his or her sentences. Be true to your characters even if you have to occasionally sacrifice grammar. Keep in mind that you can get away with things in your story that you cannot get away with outside of your story when you are having a conversation with your audience.

Say it how you heard it

Sacrifice #3: Sacrifice how you write for how you talk

I strongly suggest that you speak like you talk. If you are using words in your speeches that you don’t normally use when you talk, you aren’t being the real you on stage.

Speak like you talk, not like you write.

I witness so many speakers saying lines like, “She replied, ‘I am going out for a run.’” Do you really talk that way (i.e. “She replied”) in real life? Most people just say, “She said, ‘I’m going out for a run.’” Too many speakers speak like they write instead of speaking like they talk.

A clue that some people speak like they write

Here’s a surefire way to know a speaker is speaking like he writes rather than like he talks. He puts the narration at the end of the line of dialogue. For example, he says something like the following:

“If you don’t give up that habit, you will die,” I said.

Never put the narration (i.e. I said) at the end of the line of dialogue. That’s what people do in writing. When you speak like you talk, you put the narration in front like this:

I said, “If you don’t give up that habit, you will die.”

In addition to avoiding delivering a spoken article, putting the narration first is also important because it empowers you to put the most important word at the end of the sentence. What’s the most important word of that previous dialogue? It’s “die,” not “said.” Putting the narration first to set up the dialogue gives you the greatest impact.

Final Thoughts

Writing is very important in business, speaking, and in life. After all, if I didn’t write, you would not be reading this. However, it’s important to speak like you talk and not like you write. Speak your way into speaking. How?

Write down an idea and start speaking extemporaneously about it. You will begin to turn that mess into a message. After all, if you split up the words MESSAGE, you’ll see it’s just a ”MESS” with “AGE.” You have a mess that, over time, turns into a message.

The problem is that many speakers aren’t willing to go through the mess to get to the message. Instead, they try to go straight to the message. That does not work.

Once you speak your way into that message, you can record it, have it transcribed (I utilize Becki at wordsintoprofits.com) and then review it. This works well because you can now make tweaks to the page that will end up on stage. And the page started off as a spoken message. You will speak like you talk.

What are the strategies you use to speak like you talk and not like you write?

When you connect with one audience member, it usually does wonders in helping you connect with the entire group.

I believe this is because, by pointing out individuals in the group, the group begins to realize that you see them as individuals and not as one large group. They realize that you are really listening and watching them just as they are listening and watching you.

That’s the basis for a deep connection.

   When you make your audience members the stars, you shine too

Here are Five Tools you can use to make individual audience members the temporary stars of your speech:

Star-maker Tool #1: Make fun of him/her

This is the most dangerous one on one connection tool because it could backfire. However, if everyone knows you are having fun and you’re not making fun of someone in a serious or harmful way, you will be fine and you will connect with everyone.

For example, yesterday I gave a 3-hour workshop to Police Chiefs in Massachusetts. About 3 minutes into my speech, one of the Chiefs walked in late and sat down up front. I thought, “Should I say it or not?” I was contemplating using that old time-tested line that many comedians have used in the past. I decided, “Let’s go for it” and here is what I said (30 seconds):

Download audio file (StarLikeAWatch.mp3)

The Chiefs loved it and that particular audience member got a kick out of it and it turned our good connection into a great one. It was smooth sailing moving forward. Is it risky? Sometimes. Keep in mind most of them were armed. However, it was worth the risk and it usually is. No risk, no reward.

Star-maker Tool #2: Share a story about the person

I usually use the person’s name if the story involves something that’s positive and helps the person look good in the eyes of the audience. However, if it could be perceived as negative, I withhold the name and let that particular audience member identify herself is she pleases. Usually the person does just that.

For example, here is a quick story I told about one of my audience members in Pennsylvania several months ago (you might have heard this clip before – 39 seconds):

Download audio file (StarPicture.mp3)

As you heard, she did self-identify and she was proud to have said it. This tool helped her become a star in my speech and we have even stayed connected Online ever since.  

Star-maker Tool #3: Give one person dialogue and use his or her name.

This tool might seem a little trickier than the others but it’s actually quite simple. All you do is state what one of your audience members is likely thinking and say it out loud as if she’s saying it to you. For example, after an activity in which I asked my audience members to change 12 things about their appearance, here is what happened during the debriefing:

Download audio file (Star12things.mp3)

As you could tell, this generated lots of laughter but what you could not see was how much the person I mentioned was laughing. She enjoyed it the most and she became a temporary star of the speech. When you connect with one, you connect with all.

Star-maker Tool #4: User their names in a sentence.

This is simple and you’ve probably heard this from Dale Carnegie. All you need to do here is insert an audience member’s name into whatever it is that you’re saying. For example, I might say, “…but what I realized from this Marta, is that you master what you measure.” This is straight-forward, simple, and to the point. But make no mistake about it, this simple act of mentioning someone’s name continues to deepen the connection with your entire audience. Simple is powerful.

Star-maker Tool #5: Walk over and ask one person a question  

The first four Star-maker Tools all have to do with content. However, this 5^th tool has to do with delivery and content. I usually do this during my transitions from one point to another. It’s a great way to set up a new point.

For example, I often walk over to one person as if he or she is the only person in the room and ask, “Do you ever watch the Olympics?” When he says “yes” I say, “Do you watch the track and field?” After I get a couple of yeses (I move on to another person if that person says no) I say, “The real tragedy I see is that most people live on ‘get-set.” Then I transition into my module about living on get-set.

The personal touch of asking the question to one person helps also by keeping the rest of the audience members on their toes. After all, because I have asked one of them, others could think, “I might be next.”

Final Thoughts on the One on One Connection

When you find ways to connect with individuals in your audience, you will automatically connect deeper with the group. Sometimes it’s because the group lives vicariously through that individual and thinks, “How would I respond to that?” and other times it’s because they realize that you actually see them as individuals and you are listening and watching them as such.

I don’t care so much about the reasons; I just care about the results. The results are great when you connect one on one. When you make them the stars, you tend to shine.

Whenever I speak to the youth, I end up being the one who gets inspired!

Have you ever wondered if you’re getting better or worse as a speaker? Usually when speakers gets worse it’s because they haven’t stayed connected to the guideposts that helped them improve in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong, there are always new guideposts and methods that will help take us to even greater heights. However, that doesn’t mean you should forget about the fundamental guideposts that have placed you on solid ground so far with the art of speaking.

Below is a list of 25 of Phrases that I stay connected to in order to keep improving. Twice per year I like to offer them to you as a consolidated list of reminders from lessons I’ve covered throughout the years.

Don’t just read this list

Wisdom and growth come from reflection. Instead of simply reading these phrases, reflect on them. I suggest contacting 1 or 2 other speakers to discuss at least 10 of the 25 statements. Feel free to also comment here on the blog. These are statements I use often when coaching speakers and the more you reflect on them, the better speaker you will become. Do the “reflection work;” it will pay off!

1. Tease them before you tell them
2. Too many speakers try to get across too much information in too little time
3. What gets recorded gets rewarded 
4. When you lift yourself up, you let your audience down
5. Tap into their world before you transport them into yours
6. Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue
7. Turn their pain into your promise
8. Don’t add humor; uncover it
9. If you don’t live it don’t give it
10.  Put the process, not the person, on a pedestal
11.  If I said it, you spread it (encourage others to share your message)
12.  Never sell a product, always sell the result
13.  Put the result before the resource
14.  What’s loose is lost
15.  Speak to one but look to all
16.  You can’t have an effect if they don’t reflect
17.  Don’t memorize, internalize
18.  Sell the belief before the relief
19.  When you squeeze your information in, you squeeze your audience out (old speaker proverb)
20.  Don’t be the hero of your own story (learned from Patricia Fripp)
21.  Don’t speak for standing ovations; speak for standing invitations
22.  Don’t retell it, relive it (learned from Lou Heckler)
23.  Reactions tell the story (learned from Darren LaCroix)
24.  May I forget myself, remember my speech, and touch my audience
25.  Tell a story and make a point (learned from Bill Gove)

What are your guideposts?

I’d love to hear from you. What are some of the guidelines you follow to keep improving as a speaker?

Long before I ever officially became a speaker, I was already practicing like one

Note: Make sure you join me below (in Mistake Number 5) in one of my rehearsals!

My college basketball coach used to tell us, “You’ll play like you practice.” That means if you practice poorly you will most likely play poorly, but if you practice well you will most likely play well. I believe speaking is the same way. If you avoid the following 5 mistakes many speakers make with their rehearsals, you will be way ahead of the pack.  

Mistake Number One: They rehearse in front of a mirror

You want to make rehearsal as realistic as possible. In your real engagement, will you be looking at yourself in a mirror? No, you will be looking at the audience. Hence, in your rehearsal, it’s important to look at your imaginary audience and not at a reflection of yourself. Plus, it’s not about you. It’s about them. You can either look at your own reflection or get the audience to reflect, but you can’t do both. Hopefully you’ll choose to do the latter.

Mistake Number Two: They don’t rehearse the spontaneity.

Overtime you will find areas of your speech where you say a line and get a specific response from your audience. For example, I often ask the question, “What is the number one barrier standing in the way of most people living their dreams?” I know that eventually I will hear the response, “Procrastination.” By practicing my response to this response, this is what happens (listen to this very quick audio – 20 seconds).

Download audio file (RehearsalProcrastionation.mp3)

The first time I responded in that manner truly was spontaneous. However, when I do it now it is planned. This is a secret you will want to write down and internalize.

What was unplanned in the past becomes planned for the future

That “took you a while to answer” line seems spontaneous and it connects me to my audience but it is definitely planned, and I rehearse it as if the audience is really there with me shouting out answers including the one about procrastination.

Mistake Number Three: They always rehearse out loud

I believe my most important rehearsals are with my eyes closed envisioning the entire audience and the environment as I mouth the words and go through all of the feelings in the speech. In other words, I visualize the speech as if I’m up in front of the audience from my point of view.

Back in 1999, when I was headed to the World Championship of Public Speaking contest, a friend of mine brought over some videotapes (remember those?) of past championship contests and he said, “You’ve gotta watch these speeches?” I said, “For what? Nothing can make me work harder than I already am so why should I watch them?” He said, “Don’t watch them for the speakers; watch them so you can see the environment in which you will speak.” That made perfect sense to me because I am big on visualization so I watched them and I’m glad I did.

I was able to see the two large screens on either side of the stage as well as the lighting and it allowed me to picture myself on that stage in front of the audience. Many of my future rehearsals were done with my eyes closed envisioning that scene.

I believe rehearsing in this manner quickens your connection with your audience because you will already feel at home as soon as you reach the stage. After all, you will have been there many times.

Mistake Number Four:  They always start from the beginning

Here’s what happens to many speakers. Let’s say they have a 30 minute speech. They start rehearsing and, after about 10 minutes, they get interrupted by life. They stop rehearsing. Then, once the interruption is over, they go back to rehearsing but guess what they do? They start over again at the beginning. Overtime they’ll go over the beginning way more than they’ll go over the middle and the end. As a result, they’ll have what I call a Slope Speech. It starts off on a high and slopes downhill.

What I suggest is that you practice in modules. For example, I have my 4 Rs to Remarkable Results 45-minute keynote. I will practice one R (one module) at a time. That way I keep myself fresh with my rehearsal and I don’t burn myself out. I make sure each R gets equal treatment. For example, I might start with the first R early in the day.  Then, later that day I’ll go to the next R. Later still I’ll go to the third R and then finish later with the 4^th one. I’ll do the same routine the next day and each day leading up to that event.

The other benefit to the modular approach is, if your time gets cut, you can cut one of the modules but the others will still be in tact. For example, if they only give me 30 minutes, I’ll just do 3 Rs to Remarkable Results but they’ll each still be powerful because they’ve each been worked on equally.

Mistake Number Five: They don’t move

There are some speakers who think that rehearsal is only about memorizing what they’re going to say. To me, rehearsal is about internalizing what I’m going to say. It’s about making sure your message is a part of you. I always give speakers this advice in terms of what messages they should offer,

If you don’t live it, don’t give it.

What many speakers don’t realize is that movement helps with the internalization of their message.

Movement helps memory

For example, if I move to a certain part of the stage to address a character in one of my scenes, that movement helps me know exactly what to say to that character. When I step out of a scene and approach my audience, that movement reminds me to change my volume and pace as I deliver the point. Movement helps your memory. That’s why, to this day, it’s more challenging for me to do a “behind the podium” graduation address than it is to move freely around the stage in and out of my scenes. There’s something to be said for muscle memory improving your message memory.

So when it comes to rehearsal, it’s important to move like you will move on stage. It’s important to look out at your audience as if they’re really there. It’s important to see their reactions and react to them. Make it as real as possible.

Here’s an Invitation to join me in my rehearsal

Listen to the following quick clip (75 seconds). First what you’ll hear is me rehearsing part of one of my stories. Picture me moving to where the golf cart is on stage. Listen for the long pause I give where I will expect the laughter. I’m making my rehearsal as realistic as possible as if my audience is really there.

Then, once you hear the drum, you will hear me delivering that same material in front of a live audience. Hopefully you’ll see how the rehearsal prepared me very well for the real event. Take a listen.

Download audio file (Rehearsal.mp3)
 

What you could not see were my movements. The same movements I had in practice, I did in the real game.

Final thoughts:

There is one other huge mistake some speakers make when it comes to rehearsal. They don’t rehearse! They make statements like, “I’m better when I don’t prepare.” I believe that’s a cop-out. It’s a way for them to talk themselves out of doing the necessary work in order to succeed in speaking. The sad news is they will never know how good they can be unless they decide to rehearse.

Twelve years ago a gentleman in Taiwan asked me, “How long will I have to practice before I become a great speaker?” I said to him, “Believe you are a great speaker now, and then go and practice like one.”

I never hitchhiked but I do suggest using hitchhiking humor

What is hitchhiking humor? It’s the humor you pick up on the way to your punch line.

Let me explain. Often I put a story together and I know what the punch line is going to be. However, at times, through testing, I get a laugh much sooner than I thought and in an area I didn’t expect. For example, the following story was to have the punch line, “Say some things!” That was the only funny line in the story when I first started telling it. But listen to the laughs again now even if you’ve heard the story before (clip is 1 minute and 9 seconds):

Download audio file (Hitchhikingchicago.mp3)

Initially the only funny line in the story was “Say some things!” Then, one time when I was testing it, I threw in the line about Denzel Washington and people started to laugh (I also tried a line about Flavor Flav but I took that out). As a result, I decided to punch up that Denzel line a bit by putting it in someone’s dialogue. People laughed more. So now I had two solid humorous lines of “Honey, Is that Denzel Washington?” and “Say some things!” But I didn’t stop there, because there was more hitchhiking humor to be found.

Over time, when I’d see people laughing at the Denzel line, I’d think, “Why are they laughing so hard? They must think I look nothing like Denzel (and they’re right of course).” So, during another test, I said the Denzel line and got the laugh and then looked at one person and said, “You didn’t have to laugh THAT hard.” People laughed more. So now I had three lines of humor in the story. I started off with only one (“Say some things!”) but picked up two more along the way and this is the essence of hitchhiking humor. I didn’t expect to find it but I did.

Then, over time, I even added another line AFTER my punch line when I said, “I was speechless!” and it got another laugh. What started out as a 45-second story with one punch line became a one-minute story with four humorous lines (1 punch line and 3 hitchhiking humor pieces). If you look closely, you can have much more humor in your stories than you originally imagined and this happens when you don’t rush to the punch line. There is some humor that might want to be picked up.

Don’t Settle

Too often speakers settle for the one humorous line they have planned but there’s usually another line or two that they can pick up along the way to make it even more enjoyable for the audience.

Here’s another quick example of hitchhiking humor. Listen first to the story (even if you’ve heard it before) and then you’ll see what I mean (Clip is 1 minute and 38 seconds).

Download audio file (HitchhikingBrice.mp3)

The punch line of course was “That’s why I’m number one.” However, through testing, I found that people chuckled when I said, “With half an hour left in the flight he turned to me and said, ‘How ya doin’?!’’ So I started punching up that line by putting it in dialogue and giving it more emphasis. It generated a bigger laugh. I didn’t expect it to be funny but my audience told me it was so it became the hitchhiking humor I picked up along the way to my punch line. So now I had two funny lines.

Later, through testing some more, I found that my audience chuckled at the line where the guy said, “I didn’t want to be stuck talking to a boring person for five hours.” So I emphasized it a bit more (mainly through pausing afterwards and giving my audience a “Did he just say that?” look) and got a more pronounced laugh. That turned out to be more hitchhiking humor on the way to the punch line. Keep in mind not all the humor has to be gut-busting laughs. Chuckles are okay too. If you look for the hitchhiking humor, the bottom line is this:

The more you tell your story, the funnier it should get

What’s needed to Uncover Hitchhiking Humor?

Step 1: Test and tweak.

Keep giving your story on a regular basis and make sure you record it every single time. It’s difficult to monitor the chuckles when you’re up there and, frankly, you shouldn’t be thinking about them. However, when you get back home and review the recordings, you can find possible hitchhiking humor from there.  

Step 2 – Look for the chuckles

Keep in mind that, if you don’t emphasize certain lines, you might only receive chuckles at first. Remember this:

Small Chuckles = Potential Big Laughs

Look for those chuckles.

 Step 3 – Punch up those “chuckle” lines

Test out your story again and see what happens when you emphasize those lines (often by putting them into a character’s dialogue, pausing afterwards, and/or giving an appropriate look) that initially generated the chuckles. Chances are you will uncover hitchhiking humor that you can use for that story’s journey moving forward.

 Whatever you do, please remember this:

Your story is never done  

Standing with several Certified World Class Speaking Coaches after we all shared the stage together

There is an inner game of public speaking. What’s going on inside of your mind determines the effectiveness of what comes out of your mouth.

Internalize Don’t Memorize

Some speakers simply memorize and recite their words and consider that a success. It’s not. That’s a memorization contest.

If your mind is focused on remembering what comes next, then it won’t be focused on what’s happening now. In speaking, you must be completely present with each moment or else your audience will see right through you. After all, if you’re not really “there,” why should they be?

Here are some scenarios and ideas for what you might want to have in your mind to make sure you are present and focused so you connect with your audience.

Scenario #1 – Inside of your stories

People always ask, “How do you keep your stories fresh because you must give them a lot?” The answer has to do with what’s going on inside my mind as I share the stories. Here’s the key:

Relive your thoughts as you recite your lines

In other words, it’s not enough just to recite what happened. Instead, you need to go back there emotionally and relive it along with everything you were thinking at the time the story actually occurred. For example, listen to this quick segment of a story of mine.

Download audio file (Saysomethingswithoutecho.mp3)

You heard this lady say to me, “Say some things!” Because I’m reliving that moment, I go back to what I was thinking when she said that, which was something like, “Now! Are you kidding?!” You don’t hear me say that but I actually think it each time that line of dialogue comes up and then, after thinking “Now? Are you kidding me?!” I say out loud, “And I was speechless.”

So let’s do something pretty neat. Click this next audio link  so you can listen to the lines again. However, this time I will add audio (in an echo) so you can hear what I’m thinking as I say these lines. Again, what you hear in an echo is not what the audience heard but only what I was saying to myself as I delivered the lines. You’re hearing my thoughts. Okay, click the link:

Download audio file (Saysomethingswithecho.mp3)

Great. Got it? So you relive your thoughts as you recite your lines.

Here’s another quick example. Listen first to the lines without my thoughts.

Download audio file (BadGirlwithout.mp3)

Okay, now listen to the lines again with my thoughts (in echo)

Download audio file (BadGirlwithecho.mp3)

When you relive your thoughts, you never have to worry about gestures or facial expressions or energy because they will all come automatically. What you say to yourself will show on your face, in your eyes, and in your movements. If you always go back to the scene with your mind, you will make it fresh for your audience (and for yourself).

If you relive your thoughts while you recite your lines, you will connect with your audience because you will have reconnected with yourself and your story. At no time will you feel like you are memorizing. You will feel like you are living your speech.

 Scenario #2 – A poor start

Years ago, if I had a poor start that didn’t seem to connect with my audience, my immediate thought was, “Uh oh, this is going to be a long night.” In other words, I didn’t feel like I would be able to turn that audience around and connect with them. But guess what? My internal dialogue acted as a self-fulfilling prophecy and that’s why I wouldn’t connect with those audiences. You can’t connect if you tell yourself you’re in for a long night.

Solution

Then, I’ll never forget one speech I had that didn’t start off as planned and, for some reason, my internal dialogue changed from “Uh oh, I’m in for a long night” to “They’ll connect with what’s coming up next.” Guess what happened? They did! My audience connected because, once again, my internal dialogue became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Since then, when I’ve had poor starts, I’ve always said, “They’ll connect with what’s coming next.” If they don’t connect to it, guess what I say then? “They’ll connect with what’s coming next.” Eventually they will connect and often end up connecting at an even deeper level than I have after good starts.

So never count yourself out after a poor start (or a piece elsewhere within your speech that doesn’t seem to connect), instead you can simply think, “They’ll connect with what’s coming up next” and chances are they will.

 Scenario #3 – When they’ve seen you before

For years my most difficult speeches to prepare for had been for engagements where half the audience had seen me before and the other half had not. I’ve always wondered, “Shall I go with my best material even if some of them have seen it?” Usually what I did was to go half and half. About half of the material was new to all of them and half was material that some of them had seen.

But here’s where the problem came in. Whenever I went through the material that some of them had seen, I bailed on it! What does that mean? It means I didn’t fully commit to it because the whole time I was  thinking, “Some of them have already seen this” and that internal dialogue would throw me off. So I’d deliver it but only half-heartedly and almost in an apologetic manner. What do you think happened when I presented in that way? Everybody lost, including me.

So here’s the highly scientific technique I learned to overcome this problem. Ready? It only takes two words to describe this method:

Screw it!

That’s right, I said “Screw it.” What I mean is that you have to think, “So what if they’ve seen it before? What’s wrong with seeing it again?” After all, here’s the secret to giving material that some of them might have seen before:

They are now seeing it from a different place in life

Have you ever re-read a book and received a new perspective? It’s the same with speaking. They might have heard some of your material before but now they are in a different place and experiencing your message from a new perspective. That’s valuable.

The key is to commit to it 100% without apologies. Now my internal dialogue is, “Here’s a message that can help you improve your life” and “If you’ve heard it before, listen again from your new place. It will help you again.”

Here’s an e-mail I just received the other day to prove this point:

I have not felt this emotional connection with you as a speaker in all the times I have heard you speak as I did with you when you delivered this keynote.  I left the building feeling like you had just spoken to me, no one else just me.  I have heard those stories before, some of them several times; but on Sunday you brought the life back into them, so amazing I came to tears, tears of connectedness, of hope…

Sarah Hilton, Certified World Class Speaking Coach

Sarah had seen me speak many times but, because of my commitment to the material, she felt it more than ever. When you commit to it in your mind, they will connect to it in their hearts.

Final thoughts

What you think when you speak determines whether or not your audience connects with you and your message. Change your mind and you will change your results.

If you haven’t failed as a speaker, you haven’t spoken enough. It’s inevitable that some engagements won’t go the way you want. However, the experience you gain from those failures can make you succeed much more often.

But here’s something you know as well. You can learn from other peoples’ failures as long as they’re willing to share them. That’s what this lesson is about…having you learn from my failures.

Ten of My Failures and 10 Lessons You Take from Them to Succeed

When I think back to the engagements that were less than successful, I can usually pinpoint the major reason(s) why. Below are 10 of those reasons along with ways to avoid them so you can have successes more often.

Failure One: Not enough relevant material  

In the first year of my speaking career I gave lots of speeches to Toastmaster’s Districts, clubs, etc. Well, when you speak to Toastmasters, you can talk about things an individual wants to hear such as living your dreams. You can’t necessarily talk about living your dreams to a corporate audience. Why? Because most people are dreaming about working somewhere else!

In fact, listen to me explain what happened once in Nebraska in 1999 (57 seconds).

Download audio file (PrincipalFinacial.mp3)
 

Most of my material at the time was geared towards entrepreneurs and individuals rather than corporations and teams. As a result, I had a few failures because my material wasn’t relevant or aligned with my audience.

What’s the solution? It’s as easy as ABC (Always Be Creating). Constantly create material for the specific niche audiences you plan to address. Make sure the Foundational Phrases they walk away with are relevant to them.

Failure Two: Squeezed too much in

The old speaker proverb says, “When you squeeze your information in, you squeeze your audience out.” There’s no time to connect with your audience when you are rushing through your material. When I first started speaking, I said to my mentor, “I can’t seem to fit what I have to say into the time-frame that they’ve given me. What should I do?” Unfortunately he said, “Talk faster.” I followed that advice for some time until I realized, “I need a new mentor.”

Do you want to hear proof of how fast I talked? Click the audio below and see how fast I spoke 13 years ago (17 seconds).

Download audio file (Fast.mp3)
  

The solution is to understand that less is more. If you are scheduled to speak for 45 minutes, prepare enough material for 35. That way you won’t have to rush, you can take advantage of the spontaneous moments, you’ll leave enough time for the introducer, and you’ll promote a smooth adjournment/transition, which meeting planners love.  

Failure Three: I Spoke to impress

Early on after winning the World Championship of Public Speaking, I felt like I had to prove to everyone why I won and that made me temporarily forget why I got into speaking in the first place. Every speech I gave during that time-frame was a failure. Then I heard Willie Jolley say, “Don’t speak to impress, speak to inspire” and I was transformed. My goal once again was not to impress but to touch lives.

The solution is to ground yourself into your WHY. Why are you speaking? If you connect  with your WHY before you speak, you will connect with your audience as you speak.  

Failure Four: Didn’t know the audience well enough

One of my worst failures was a free speech I gave to an audience but I didn’t have a good enough understanding of who would be there.  It turns out that 95% of the audience had already seen the program I presented and they saw me present it only a few weeks earlier. I had no idea I would have so many repeats. So what they loved the first time around they hated the second time. And, at that point in my career, I didn’t know how to instantly guide the ship in another direction. So I hit the iceberg and the whole room turned cold. I failed.

The solution is to have a pre-program questionnaire that you have every client fill out before you speak. Then use that questionnaire to have conversations with the client. When all is said and done, you should know who is going to be there, what their pain is, and what relief you can provide for them.

Failure Five: I forced my humor

I remember one speech in Baltimore where I started with about 5 straight minutes of humor. Someone in the audience finally yelled out, “What are you a comedian?!” There’s no problem with humor. However, if you are forcing it the way I was (i.e. little jokes and puns that have nothing to do with anything), you are reaching for the humor while your audience is reaching for the exits.

The solution is to realize you’re a speaker and not a comedian. Also, the lesson I learned was to have detour-free humor. That means you can have humor that you don’t need to reach outside and get but you can reach inside and uncover. The best place to uncover your humor is inside of your stories and within your characters’ dialogue with each other. That’s organic, uncovered, detour-free humor. Look for it. It’s already there.

Failure Six: I didn’t rehearse enough to leave what I rehearsed

There comes a time in many speakers’ lives where they think, “I’ve given this program hundreds of times, do I really need to rehearse it so much this time?” If you answer “No,” there’s a good chance you will fail with that speech. Why? Because, to me, rehearsal is not about remembering what I’m going to say. It’s about allowing me to abandon what I’m going to say.

That’s right. Rehearsal is about internalizing my message so much that I can temporarily leave what I’ve planned, jump on the spontaneous moments that are bound to come up, and then seamlessly transition back into my planned program. That’s what diligent rehearsal allows you to do. I’ve found that, when I don’t rehearse adequately enough, I don’t connect deep enough because I end up too tied to what comes next rather than to who’s in front of me now. The solution is to rehearse diligently no matter how many times you’ve delivered the program.

Failure Seven: I didn’t connect to myself first

One failure I had years ago (at least I perceived it as a failure even though they’ve invited me back again) was due to something I couldn’t put my finger on right away. I remember before the speech when the meeting planner said, “You look very calm.” She was right. I was too calm. Usually I have nerves before each speech and I’m glad they’re there because they focus me. It might sound silly but I always thank my nerves. However, on this day I had no nervous energy. As a result, I wasn’t as focused as I should have been.

The key was I really hadn’t connected with myself before I attempted to connect with my audience. Speaking is not all about what you say and do; it’s about who you are. It’s about who you bring to the stage that day. It’s about the energy you give them. On this day, the whole me didn’t show up. I wasn’t completely present.

The solution is to have a pre-speech routine that connects you with yourself before you take the stage. Some of the things I do are the following

• Sit in all 4 corners of the audience (if it’s an empty room before I speak)
• Go over my opening silently with my eyes closed
• Say, “May I forget myself, remember my speech, and touch my audience.”

Having a pre-speech routine gives you a charge that helps you create a spark for your audience.

Failure Eight: I didn’t have 100 percent conviction

Thirteen years ago when I was at the World Championship of Public Speaking, the coordinators brought all the contestants together in a room the day before the contest so they could go over logistics. They asked, “Do any of you want to change the title of your speech?” I was thinking, “What?! Are you kidding me? Why would anyone…” but then my thought was interrupted when one of the contestants said, “Yes, I do.” Then another one said, “Me too.” I believe at least 4 of the contestants changed their titles the day before the speech! I remember thinking, “I’m going with what I have.” At that moment I realized I had 100% conviction with my title, my message, and my everything else. Win or lose, I knew I had 100% conviction. I was going with what I had.

Unfortunately, I have not always had that same 100% conviction each time I’ve spoken in the real world. If you are at all unconvinced that you are delivering the message you should deliver, there is a good likelihood that you will not connect with that audience. Why? When you’re not completely sold on your own message, chances are you don’t get them to buy into it. You can’t give what you don’t have.

The solution is to do what I heard Ed Tate call “Freeze the design.” Eventually you need to come to a point where you say, “This is what I’m going with” and then you need to commit to it. Yes you can make adjustments on stage and uncover spontaneous moments but at least you go into the speech knowing “this is it.” Your conviction is convincing.

Failure Nine: I let the beginning ditch become a huge hole

I used to think that all is won or lost in the first minute of a speech. In other words, if I heard some laughs and saw good energy in my opening, I was in good shape for the rest of the speech. On the contrary, if they didn’t laugh and didn’t show good energy, I was doomed. I would think, “This will be a rough one.” I thought this for years. Whenever I had a bad start, I would let that ditch turn into a huge hole.

Then, in one speech years ago, I had a bad start. I didn’t get the laughs I expected and I didn’t feel connected. But I told myself, “Something I have for them will connect. Something coming up will connect with them.” And guess what happened? I connected. Then I deepened that connection as I went along. That was a real breakthrough because it let me know you can get out of a ditch and even build something significant on top of it.

Yes the first 30 seconds can help you or hurt you. However, please know that it’s not over if you don’t connect right away. Know in your mind that “something coming up will connect” with them. If you keep that confidence, even if it takes a little longer than normal, you will find yourself connecting to your audience. At the end of the speech, they won’t think, “Wow, it took him a while to connect with us.” Instead they will simply walk away feeling the connection.

Failure Ten: I didn’t have enough material.

My first time speaking overseas was a disaster. Why? Because they said, “We want you to do eight 45-minute speeches in six days and four of them will be to the same audience.” Whoa! I was so excited to fly overseas and speak that I completely neglected to consider something very important…I only had material enough for one or possibly two 45-minute speeches! I certainly couldn’t give four different speeches to the same audience. I ended up failing with 6 out of the 8 speeches.

One of the successes on that trip

The solution is to follow the same formula I mentioned above in mistake number 1…the ABC formula, which stands for Always Be Creating. Now I have material enough for several days of speaking. The key is to set up a system of testing and tweaking. Consistently try out new material and test it and tweak it. That’s the only way you’ll know what resonates.

Also, I should still have taken that engagement but under my own terms of speaking only once or twice to each audience. You do have a say in the negotiations so don’t set the bar too high for you to reach.

Final Thoughts on Failure as a Speaker

Some people say, “Craig, you didn’t really fail. You just didn’t succeed as much as you wanted to with those speeches.” Well, call it what you want. I believe facing reality is the key to changing reality so, to me, the reality is those speeches were failures. I know because I was there.

You can succeed much more than you fail if you avoid the 10 mistakes illustrated in this lesson. Remember that you master what you measure. When you record your speeches and find out what went right and wrong, you will reward yourself with better speeches, better connections, and better speaking opportunities.

And, of course, the subtext of this entire lesson is the following:

Even if you fail, you can eventually prevail

Getting ready to speak to Technology professionals

My Confession

I must confess that, in the past, I used to view some audiences as collective groups. For example, I’d think, “Okay, this is a group of engineers so I can’t bring my normal speaking style to this event.” And I’d change my style and almost always fail. Fortunately for me, another speaker pulled me aside one day and said, “Craig, they hired you for a reason. They want YOU!”

Realization

With that realization I came to see that all of our audiences are made up of individual human beings that have feelings, emotions, and ways of thinking and that you can’t just look at them as one static group. They are whole people. I say this because some speakers think they need to change their entire style to speak to certain groups. This is untrue. You need to still be you. However, you can make subtle adjustments to fit the culture of each event.

Even Thoracic Surgeons?

The first time I spoke to a group of thoracic surgeons I had doubts about bringing my energetic style to the table. I thought since they were surgeons that maybe I should leave my humor and emotions out and simply give them the logic. After all, heart surgery is serious is it not?

However, soon after I began, it hit me that they were individual human beings long before becoming surgeons. In other words, they’d like me to make them TALL (Think, Act, Laugh, and Learn) just as other audieneces would. So I gave them me. Following the presentation many of the surgeons (and some scientists) approached me and said things like:

 “Thank you for bringing this conference to life. These conferences are usually so boring.”

 “You gave me a new sense of why I do what I do. Thank you!”

 “I am so motivated to get back to my research. Do you have any tapes (that’s what we used to call them)?”

Realize that none of these comments was about the logic, but about change. Change is sparked by emotions backed up by logic. It’s very difficult to connect with peoples’ emotions when you’re not being your true self. No matter whom you address, make sure YOU are the one addressing them.

Should I ever change based on the audience?

 You don’t need to change who you are but you can certainly make adjustments to your content and your delivery. Adjust for your audience. Even though you have individuals in your audience, you can still customize your speech in ways that will help them connect with you the best. Just make sure, like everything else in speaking, the adjustments are subtle. Look at the ways many speakers adjust to certain types of audiences while retaining their own style:

The Key to Your Connection?                                     

All in all, the key to making a connection is you. No matter what small adjustments you make please keep in mind that the audience still wants to experience the real you. Tell your stories and make your points. They hired you for a reason. They want you just the way you are.

Audience in Bankstown, Australia

When you build yourself up, you let your audience down. Let’s face it; there are some speakers who use the platform to stroke their ego. I may have been one of them in the past. However, when we talk about how great we are and speak only of our successes, our audience members think of us in 1 of 2 ways:

1. “Wow, he sure is full of himself.”

or

2. “Well, I guess he’s just special.”

As a speaker, being considered special is just as bad as being considered “full of yourself.” When your audience sees you as special, what do you think they begin to think?

They probably think, “Of course those strategies work for him because he’s special. They won’t work for me.”

They have a built-in excuse not to use your advice and, consequently, you become worthless to that audience. You can avoid this by using the following 3 Audience Impact Tools that will not only get you connected with your audience but will also spark them to act on your message. In other words, you will be valuable to your audience.

Audience Impact Tool Number 1: Put the Process, not the Person, on a Pedestal

In other words, don’t brag about yourself; brag about the process (or formula, recipe, toolkit, etc.) you have uncovered in your life’s journey. When you do this, the audience members think, “I am interested in learning more about this process. I don’t know if it really works, but I’m at least interested in learning more about it.”

This gets your audience a little closer to taking action on your message, because you’ve succeeded in building interest in your process rather than in you. However, there are still two major obstacles. Although they are interested in your process, they still aren’t sure if it really works. Your story should begin to prove to them that the process works, but Audience Impact Tool number 2 will take your audience’s confidence in your process to another level.

Audience Impact Tool Number 2 – Quantify Your Process

For example, in the midst of your story or activity, you might say, “I came across these tools that I now refer to as the 4 Rs to Remarkable Results that you can use to make change work for you instead of against you.” Or you might say, “This 3-step formula was used by the great orators of the past and the present. Everyone from Aristotle to Anthony Robbins has used these 3 steps.”

Why Quantify the Process?

The reason you should quantify your process is because specifics build credibility. Your process goes from being a loose intangible mess to a tight proven step by step system. It also naturally builds the curiosity for your audience members to think, “I want to hear all 4 steps. Come on, what’s step 1?” In this way, quantifying your process not only builds credibility for that process, but it also teases your audience to want to know more. As a result, they will buy-into the fact that the process worked for you. However, they still might not think it will work for them. That’s where Audience Impact Tool Number 3 comes in handy.

Audience Impact Tool Number 3 – Share Your Four Fs 

If you want your audience members to act on your message, you must help them feel like you (or the main characters in your story) are similar to them. Think similar, not special. One step you can easily take is to break yourself down so your audience members know you are closer to them than you are to, say, Zeus.

For example, I regularly tell people the low score I received the first time I took the SATs (Standardized Achievement Tests we use in many States in the US). What do you think happens inside of the minds of my audience members? Chances are they think, “Well, if he can be successful with his background, I can definitely be successful at this too. Give me that process.”

Neither Les Brown nor Anthony Robbins has a college degree and they play that up for all it’s worth. It helps their audience members know that it’s their processes, formulas, and mindsets, not their special unmatched innate abilities, that have made the difference. This helps audience members feel hopeful.

But I Haven’t Climbed Mount Everest!

So often speakers complain to me, “Craig, I haven’t climbed Mount Everest or done anything like that so why would people want to hear from me?”

So what? So you haven’t climbed Mt. Everest. Has your audience? Chances are nobody in your audience has climbed Mt. Everest so how would they relate to that? Here’s my question. Have you ever been fired? Have you ever had a really bad day? Have you ever been embarrased? Your audience will relate to these situations much more than they will to Mt. Everest. And if you offer a road from where you were then to where you are today, they’ll likely take it. Why? Because they feel similar.

Many average speakers won’t allow themselves to share their failures or open up to an audience in this way. However, the quickest way to build a connection with your audience is to share your…

1. Failures
2. Flaws
3. Frustrations
4. Firsts

If you do this, you will connect fast and deep. Let’s take sharing your firsts as an example. Many times your audience members tend to see you where you currently are and think, “I’ll never get there.” However, if you share where you were at first (i.e. failing in speeches, etc.), they will realize that if they take hold of your processes, they can have the same (or even greater) success than you.

As I always say…

Let your long road lead to their shortcut

Final thoughts

Remember, your job as a speaker is usually to sell people on the results they will get when they utilize a certain formula, process, tool, or recipe. It has nothing to do with you being a genius, it has everything to do with you uncovering the process that worked for you (or for your customers) and will work for others. Your story becomes the proof that they can use the process too.

People want the truth wrapped up in proof

The 3 Audience Impact Tools

1. Put the process, not the person, on a pedestal
2. Quantify your process
3. Share your failures, flaws, frustrations, and firsts

Your Turn 

What do you do to put the process, not the person, on a pedestal?

Next step?

There is a definite process for telling stories that put the process, not the person, on a pedestal. If you tell stories in the most effective way, you will automatically become valuable to your audience and connect with them deeply. Learn the 9 Cs in my Storytelling Home-Study Course for Speakers at http://www.edgeoftheirseats.com

With Dr. Tony Alessandra - a man who knows how to reach people where THEY live

After studying influence and implementing ideas successfully for more than a decade and a half, I thought I knew a lot of what there was to know about getting people to take action. However, one of the most important ideas I ever learned I picked up only a couple of years ago. It’s a tool that will excite your audience to act on your message. It’s what I call the Relative Result.

Why will the Relative Result work for You?

Click the audio below and listen to this very quick audio of me getting my audience to take the next step.

Download audio file (52Speakingtips.mp3)
 

Quiz:

How many times better can you be one year from now?

Three times, right?

Did I just say you’ll be a better speaker? No.

Did I just say you will improve? No.

I said you’ll be three times better than the speaker you are today. In other words, I gave what I’ve come to call a “Relative Result.” This is a result that’s based on where you currently are today and how much better you can be tomorrow. The Relative Result I used for 52 Speaking Tips has brought me more prospects and customers than even I imagined. Why? Because I’m not offering tips or an arbitrary number. I’m offering a way for you to be 3 times better than you are today. That’s why so many people took action on it.

The Mistake Most Speakers Make

What most speakers do is they pick an arbitrary number for their results such as “You’ll be able to close 40% of your audience on making an appointment with you.” So what happens to the person in the audience who is already closing 45%? How will your result benefit him or her?

The “close 40%” result is a number that’s not related to where your audience member currently is. What would be better is if you said, “You’ll be able to close twice as many people than you’re currently closing.” That’s a relative result, and it becomes more real to your audience member. Why? They can feel what doubling their closing ratio will do for them because they know it will bring twice as much of everything they currently have.

Relative Results Feel Real

Staying with this closing ratio example, the audience members can feel what it would be like to double their closing ratio by thinking of…

• Doubling their number of customers
• Doubling their revenues
• Hopefully even doubling their profits

 They can feel it because it’s based on where they currently are.

The Most Important Reason to Use Relative Results

The most important reason to use a Relative Result is…

It automatically meets each audience member where he or she lives.

For example, what if someone making $200,000 per year is in the same audience as someone making $50,000 per year? What most speakers would do is say something like, “When you implement these strategies, you’ll be on your way to making at least 6 figures.” Well, how’s that going to motivate the guy who’s already making $200,000 per year? It’s probably not.

However, the speaker could say, “You’ll be well on your way to doubling your income within one year once you implement these tools.”

Will that motivate the guy making $200,000? Sure.

Will it motivate the guy making $50,000? Sure.

Why? Because relative results hit you where you live.  That’s the beauty of it.

One of my goals, which I borrowed from Alex Mandossian is, “To turn my annual income into my monthly income within 36 months.” Alex has suggested that goal for his Teleseminar Secrets clients and he has many clients. So you know what that means? We all have different numbers, but we still all have the same goal. That goal hits us where we live because we know our base of what we currently make.

Arbitrary = No Emotion and no Connection

Audience members can’t feel emotionally what an arbitrary number like “closing 40% of your audience” will do because it has no basis in their lives. It’s not (to use a textbook industry term) activating their prior knowledge. But doubling or tripling can be felt because there’s a base with which to start. What you heard me say in my audio is “you’ll become 3 times better than the speaker you are today.”

In my audience members’ minds, they’re probably thinking that means…

•  Three times the impact on their audience
• Three times the fee they get paid
• Three times as many testimonials
• Three times as many referrals
• Three times as many new customers
• Three times as many product sales

There are many ways they can feel what three times is because they base it on where they currently are and then simply multiply that by three of everything.

 Caveat: Make sure you are conservative in your results. I don’t say you will be “Twenty times better than the speaker you are today.” I say “Three times better” because I have witnessed people I coach become at least three times better and get way more than three times the engagements, testimonials, etc. In other words, make sure the tools you have can deliver on that result (if they actually implement the tools).

This is Great for Your Own Goal-Setting Too!

To dive slightly off topic for a moment, this idea of Relative Results is something I suggest integrating into your own goal-setting as well. Instead of picking arbitrary and baseless numbers such as “I’m going to make $100,000 this year in product sales,” pick a relative result such as, “This year I will triple my product sales income over last year’s.” Of course, when you write your goal, you can put the actual numbers in as well. So it might be, “This year I will triple my product sales from $50,000 to $150,000.”

One of the goals I set last year was, “I will double my number of leads (prospects) by March 31^st.” Of course I included the actual numbers in my goal as well. But check out what happens when I say “Double my number of leads.” I stay fired up from the goal because it lets me know that, every time I send out an offer to my leads, I will bring in twice as much income as I did the last time I sent out that offer.” See how that works? I just double everything in my mind and that’s what keeps me fired up! It’s beautiful.

How Can You Make Relative Results Work for You?

Once you learn to sell results and not the products, and you learn to translate your products into results, and you learn to sell the result before the resource (this is all covered in my Mastering Back of the Room Sales Home-Study Course for Speakers which is currently discounted until January 15th), you can then take advantage of using Relative Results by making promises such as:

It could double your income

It could get you there in half the time it currently takes you

It could triple your closing rate

Challenge?

For your very next speech, give your audience a Relative Result whether it’s doubling something, doing something in half the time, or whatever result you feel you can offer with integrity.

Your Turn?

I’m interested to know. Have you ever offered a Relative Result? If so, what was it?